It's almost sad the way Yahoo has been careening around the tech world in the past few weeks looking for any way possible to subvert Microsoft's unsolicited takeover attempt. The sagging search and information portal reminds me of a woman frantically trying to get out of an arranged marriage to an odious suitor.

First Yahoo refused to take Microsoft's calls. Then it outright rejected Redmond's offer. Then it said the engagement ring was too small. Then Yahoo started going out drinking and looking for a hook-up with someone, anyone -- News Corp., Google, AOL, Pete Doherty -- to head off the Big Day.

Talk about desperate. But according to technology analysis and relationship adviser Gartner, the loutish lothario in Redmond is the truly desperate party in this high-stakes romantic drama.

From Computerworld:

Calling the situation "untenable" and describing Windows as "collapsing," a pair of Gartner analysts yesterday said Microsoft Corp. must make radical changes to its operating system or risk becoming a has-been.

In a presentation at a Gartner-sponsored conference in Las Vegas, analysts Michael Silver and Neil MacDonald said Microsoft has not responded to the market, is overburdened by nearly two decades of legacy code and decisions, and faces serious competition on a whole host of fronts that will make Windows moot unless the software developer acts.

Translation for Microsoft: You never listen, you're fat and there are better catches out there, mister. Back to the article:

Among Microsoft's problems, the pair said, is Windows' rapidly-expanding code base, which makes it virtually impossible to quickly craft a new version with meaningful changes. That was proved by Vista, they said, when Microsoft -- frustrated by lack of progress during the five-year development effort on the new operating -- hit the "reset" button and dropped back to the more stable code of Windows Server 2003 as the foundation of Vista.

Did we mention that you're fat? And your wardrobe -- my God, it's five years out of style!

Tough words to take, no doubt. Still, Yahoo itself clearly is past its prime, so the Yang gang's "hard to get" act eventually (if not sooner) should give way to sober reality.